I would like to remind you of my time in Medjugorje with Father Marko and ask you to recall when he anointed me and I slipped into that mystical heavenly place. Actually, I would like to ask you to reread that experience before moving on with this chapter. It will help put you in the right frame of mind I need you to be in to continue.
When we returned, Father Marko exposed Jesus in the Monstrance. It was time. I prayed deeply as I sat there anxiously waiting to go up for the anointing. I expressed my profound love to Jesus and thanked Him for answering my prayers. My heart pounded from within my chest, and my breath became labored. As each person went up to receive the anointing, my heart pounded all the more, and my breath became even more rapid. It was my turn. I stood up and began to walk toward Father. My body was no longer my own. It took everything in me just to walk toward him. As I approached Father, my legs gave way and I fell to my knees. I held out my hands with my palms facing up and bowed my head. I felt so light I knew I was going to fall. Father anointed my head, and I collapsed to the ground. My breath increased even more, and I could feel my heart thumping vigorously against my chest. I had no control over my body or my senses. I asked Jesus to rid me of everything unclean in me. I tried to say the Lord’s Prayer, but I could not. Then a Hail Mary, but I couldn’t complete that prayer either. I just repeated the words, “Jesus, heal your people” over and over again. The more I prayed that prayer, the deeper I went.
I heard the others in the distance as if they were far away. But this time, it didn’t matter that they were there because I was no longer there. At least my spirit wasn’t. Everything I was, body, mind, and spirit, was consumed by God. I just lay there praying my little prayer, “Jesus, heal your people.” I do not know how much time passed but someone bumped into me and I kind of came back to myself. I thought maybe I should get up and make room for the others. So I tried to sit up, but it was as if there was an invisible force pushing me down. It was a great power that held me there, the power of God. I could not move. I tried once more with no success, so I allowed myself to completely melt into Jesus, still repeating my little prayer. Again, I do not know how much time had passed when I felt a touch. It was April. She asked me if I could get up. I told her I had tried earlier but I could not. She said it was okay. I began my prayer again, and then something happened.
Three white flames appeared in my mind’s eye. I believe what I saw was the flame of the Holy Spirit. The candles were very clear and extremely bright. The brightest white I have ever seen. The flames came from the bottom of my vision and slowly grew to engulf my entire sight. They flickered and jumped all about. I could no longer pray or even form a single thought. I was just lost in the splendor of the flames as they danced around. I was captivated by their beauty. It is hard to explain, but it was like I was no longer present on this earth. Like there was no one except me and God. Nothing mattered. Everything I was, vanished. And all that remained was my love for God and His love for me. This love just totally penetrated my entire being.
It seemed as though only a moment had passed since the flames appeared when I felt a hand touch my neck ever so slightly. I ignored it. And then I felt someone softly brush their hand across my cheek, but I did not acknowledge that either. Then someone opened my right eye and looked directly at me. It was Father Marko. His eyes were filled with the sweetest love, and he smiled at me gently. All the emptiness within me was at once filled with everything Jesus is. All of the affection I never received instantly permeated my soul in the deepest, most profound way. It was not Father Marko who knelt over me but Jesus Himself. For a brief moment, Jesus and I peered into one another’s eyes. It was the most intimate moment of my life, the most wonderful.
So now that you have read that account once again, we can move on. Jesus healed me that day. He changed me forever. Jesus touched my soul in a way I could never have imagined possible, and I do not know if He ever will again, at least not on this planet. That is how profound that encounter with Jesus was for me. It was not a physical healing. It was a spiritual healing that changed the very course of my life. It gave me the grace to continue forward, even when I didn’t know what was happening to me.
When I returned home from Medjugorje, my life changed. The spiritual attacks did not end, they worsened. That did not defeat me as it had before. Instead, it moved me to seek help through the writings of the saints. I read book after book, and the saints were teaching me, they were counseling me. From there, Jesus said enough, and He removed us from our home. The home that was infested with demons. Then He brought Angela and me back together to support and strengthen each other, to give us hope. He revealed the truth that Jana was a witch. Now I was becoming empowered. I believe that power came about from the anointings in Medjugorje, from my constant reception of the Holy Eucharist, and my frequent visits to the confessional and the adoration chapel. That power came from the grace I received through the sacraments.
Now I was relentless in my search for healing. I could not let the devil and those hateful people control my life any longer. I had to find a way to stop them. I was devouring tons of information. But there were still setbacks like illnesses and spiritual attacks. That is because the devil was not going to let go of me that easily, and neither was Jana. At this point, Jesus led me to another retreat where He touched me again through the sacraments. During that retreat, I would discover how desperately I needed Jesus to return to me. I had lived in darkness for so long that I simply accepted it. But through the anointing of the sick, Jesus allowed me to feel His love again, and that gave me the strength and courage I needed to move forward once more.
Then I was led to go to another healing retreat. And that encounter with the Lord brought me back to writing again. It helped me see the importance of sharing my story through this work. The attacks continued, and I was led to Father John Hampsch, who gave me a sense of clarity and a newfound reality. Because of his teachings, I eagerly sought healing through deliverance prayer. It was through those prayers that I received more healing, and in part, a kind of freedom from the evil that had dominated my life for so long.
Then God led me to another retreat that changed my life even more. There, each time a priest prayed over me, I received the grace of that sacrament once again. It was those graces that led to the second half of this book. And it is through these words that I have written that the Lord has filled me with so much knowledge, a knowledge that I am still discovering today. Only the Lord could have placed these words in my heart. It is so beautiful what Jesus does for us through the sacraments. He heals our hurts and gives us the ability to go on even when we think we can no longer continue. It seems to me that we are receiving God’s grace secretly through the sacraments. As we surrender more and more to His will, the effects of those graces allow the gifts of the Holy Spirit to burst forth from us so that we can share everything the Lord has taught us with others. It is a beautiful process.
When the priest at the retreat finished his talk, the healing began. After being prayed over, I was left with a sense of peace and joy. I was calm and just wanted to be quiet in the presence of God. As I watched all of the people coming and going, I asked Jesus, “It’s about the people, isn’t it?” It was just an observation, a thought at the time, but soon it would become something much more. Something God needed to show me.