As I conveyed in my last article, not being able to feel the presence of God is the first sign of a spiritual attack, and naturally leads to a kind of sadness or melancholy, which is normal. It is like when you can’t be with the one you love. You miss them, and you get sad. The next sign of a spiritual attack is depression. With spiritual depression, sadness escalates to a point that is uncharacteristic of any you have ever experienced before. Some people have clinical depression that requires medication to control. I have great empathy for those people because I understand now how difficult life is for them. A lot of people have bouts of depression in life that are caused by some event or situation, which for most, passes. This is just a part of the human condition.
But depression from a spiritual attack is a constant state of sorrow. A kind of mist that clouds the soul and takes control of your life. There is no joy, and nothing is good or satisfying. You walk around in a haze, unaware of the world around you, your senses deadened. As the days go by, you slip deeper and deeper into darkness until you no longer recognize yourself. This kind of depression is a spiritual sickness that inhibits your ability to feel anything other than despair. This is what happened to me. And I can honestly say that I was just trying to survive. One day I was fine and the next I was not. I had no idea what was wrong with me, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t make it stop. All I wanted to do was go back to my old self. To the person, I used to be.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely; in all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths. “Proverbs 3:5-6
I think the only thing I can say that may encourage anyone enduring this kind of suffering, is that God is allowing it for a reason. I know that is hard to understand and difficult to accept. But God knows what He is doing, and He is with you in your suffering. Try to pray, and go to Mass and confession as often as you can. The Eucharist will give you the strength and grace to get through each moment of your pain. Confession will free you from your sins and defeat the one who wants so desperately to destroy you, the devil. I know you think that no one else in the whole world can ever understand what you are going through. But I do, because I went through it too, and I am praying for you. You will get through this. Jesus is your hope, don’t lose sight of Him.